Be a humor champion with these winning Pinewood Derby jokes written by Boys’ Life readers. These funny jokes are guaranteed to take the checkered flag at your next race.

Do you know a funny Pinewood Derby joke? Click here to send in your joke.

Tim: In what section of the library are books about Pinewood Derby?
Andy: I don’t know.
Tim: Non-friction.
Joke submitted by Ashland T., Circle Plains, Minn.

Leader: Knock, knock.
Scout: Who’s there?
Leader: Noah.
Scout: Noah, who?
Leader: Noah how to build a fast Pinewood Derby car?
Joke submitted by Jennifer A., Parker, Tex.

Comic by Jon Carter

Wyatt: Why can’t tomatoes win races against lettuce?
Steven: Tell me.
Wyatt: Because the lettuce are always a head, and the tomatoes are always trying to ketchup!
Joke submitted by Wyatt S., Newberry, Mich.

Pedro: What do you get when you cross a racecar with a spud?
Ordep: Beats me.
Pedro: Crashed potatoes.
Joke submitted by Braeden B., Rancho Palos Verdes, Calif.

A snail goes to buy a car. The salesman is surprised when the snail picks out a fast, expensive sports car. He’s even more surprised when the snail requires that a big red “S” be painted on both sides.

“Why would you want such a thing?” asked the salesman.

The snail replied, “I want people to say, ‘Look at that S car go!’”
Joke submitted by Meghan and Jackson K., Van Buren, Ark.

Comic by Scott Masear

Denver: Knock, knock.
Sam: Who’s there?
Denver: Cargo.
Sam: Cargo, who?
Denver: No, cargo beep-beep!
Joke submitted by Denver S., Newport, Mich.

Pat: What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?
Rick: Beats me.
Pat: Automobile.
Joke submitted by Patrick H., Sedalia, Mo.

A guy goes door to door looking for work. One homeowner hands him a brush and a can of paint and offers him $150 to paint his porch.

A few hours later, the guy comes back to the homeowner and says, “I’m finished. But you should know that your car’s a Ferrari, not a Porsche.”
Joke submitted by Dan H., Conshohocken, Pa.

Comic by Thomas Toons

Jim: What’s a car’s favorite meal?
Adam: I don’t know.
Jim: Brake-fast.
Joke submitted by Adam C., Dinuba, Calif.

Daffynition: Smart Car — An automobile with a diploma.
Joke submitted by Christopher H., Winfield, Pa.

Tom Swiftie: “Fix that tire,” Tom said flatly.
Joke submitted by Adam T., Emmett, Idaho

Tom Swiftie: “A Pinewood Derby car just ran over my foot,” Tom said tiredly.
Joke submitted by Nicholas G., South Range, Wis.

Sam: One night I dreamed I was a muffler.
Jeremy: Really? What happened?
Sam: I woke up exhausted.
Joke submitted by Samuel E., Kemp, Tex.

A police officer stops a car going 75 when the speed limit is 65. The officer asks the man driving if he realizes he was speeding.

The man replies, “I wasn’t speeding. Look right there — that sign says the speed limit is 75.”

The officer explains that that’s the highway number, not the speed limit. As he says this, he looks in the back of the car and sees an elderly woman breathing very heavily.

The officer asks her if she’s O.K., and she says, “Yes, we just got off of Highway 155.”
Joke submitted by Samuel E., Coweta, Okla.

Braden: What kind of car does a snake drive?
Hayden: What?
Braden: An Ana-Honda!
Joke submitted by Braden W., Prior Lake, Minn.

Hayden: What kind of car does a Jedi drive?
Jake: I don’t know.
Hayden: A Toy Yoda.
Joke submitted by Hayden S., Eugene, Oregon

Anna: What sort of car does a rancher’s dog drive?
Albert: I haven’t a clue.
Anna: A Range Rover!
Joke submitted by Annalise T., Jupiter, Fla.

Ilse: What kind of cars do cooks drive?
Roy: Beats me.
Ilse: Chef-rolets!
Joke submitted by Brian S., Brunswick, Ohio

David: Why are pigs bad drivers?
Maia: Uhh — why?
David: They hog the road!
Joke submitted by Joel M., West Bloomfield, Mich.

John: Why do geese make such lousy drivers?
Justin: I have no idea.
John: Because all they do is honk!
Joke submitted by John G., Tallahassee, Fla.

Son: What is an autobiography?
Dad: I don’t know.
Son: A Pinewood Derby car’s story.
Joke submitted by Quentin H., Dayton, Va.

Bob: Why was the Scout such a good racecar driver?
Joe: I don’t know. Why?
Bob: Because he did a good turn daily!
Joke submitted by Rahul J., Antioch, Calif.

Daffynition: Carpool — Where automobiles go for a dip.
Joke submitted by Ricky G., Hanover Park, Ill.

Adam: What races take place on an African island?
Mark: What?
Adam: MadaNASCAR.
Joke submitted by Adam G., Sioux Falls, S.D.

A racecar driver gets lost on his way to his son’s Pinewood Derby race. When he stops at a gas station to ask for directions, the clerk asks, “Are you from around here?”

The racecar driver replies, “Yes, but I usually end up driving in circles.”
Joke submitted by Sebastian B., Beekmantown, N.Y.

Do you know a funny Pinewood Derby joke? Click here to send us your jokes.

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