Happy Halloween! We dare you not to scream with laughter when you read these funny Halloween jokes by Scout Life readers. Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send in your joke.

Laugh at 4,000+ more funny jokes at jokes.scoutlife.org!


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halloween-1

Joe: What do you call wood when it’s scared?
Bob: I don’t know.
Joe: Petrified!
Joke submitted by Daniel B., Lincoln, Neb.
Comic by Daryll Collins


Daniel: What do you do when zombies surround your house?
Sam: What?
Daniel: Hope it’s Halloween.
Joke submitted by Daniel R., Boerne, Texas


Comic by Scott Nickel


Keenan: What happens when a mummy gets a cold?
John: I have no clue.
Keenan: It starts coffin!
Joke submitted by Keenan N., Williamstown, Kentucky


Lucas: Where do the baby ghost go?
Jeff: I’m stumped.
Lucas: Day scare!
Joke submitted by Lucas Z., Evans, Ga.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Ayn: What does a turkey dress up as for Halloween?
Samantha: I don’t know. What?
Ayn: A gobblin’!
Joke submitted by Ayn A., Pittsburgh, Pa.


Michael: What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Matthew: I don’t know. What?
Michael: Candy corneas.
Joke submitted by Michael and Matthew A., Elba, N.Y.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Jenna: What did the vampire say to the ghost at the Halloween party?
Brenna: What?
Jenna: “Come on! Why don’t you live a little?”
Joke submitted by Jenna C., Columbia, Mo.


Thomas: How do you mend a jack-o’-lantern?
George: I have no clue.
Thomas: With a pumpkin patch.
Joke submitted by Thomas W., Shreveport, La.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Arlene: What kind of dessert do ghosts like?
Alice: What?
Arlene: I scream!
Joke submitted by Arlene A., Selma, Calif.


A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Joke submitted by Jacob S., Lebanon, Ore.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Tanay: Knock, knock.
Dad: Who’s there?
Tanay: Boo.
Dad: Boo, who?
Tanay: Why are you crying?!
Joke submitted by Tanay G., Chantilly, Virginia


Bert: What did the ghost wear to the dance?
Sam: I have no clue.
Bert: Booooots.
Joke submitted by Bert Y., Corpus Christi, Tex.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Danny: Why didn’t the ghost go to the Halloween party?
Cody: I haven’t the foggiest.
Danny: He was afraid he was going to be booed.
Joke submitted by Danny V., Camarillo, Calif.


Brett: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Brent: I don’t know.
Brett: Wrap music!
Joke submitted by Brent J., Upper Arlington, Ohio


Comic by Scott Nickel


Spencer: What plants like Halloween the most?
Tanner: Which ones?
Spencer: Bam-BOO!
Joke submitted by Tanner S., Tampa, Fla.


Micah: What do you get when you drop a pumpkin from your roof?
Cameron: What?
Micah: Squash!
Joke submitted by Micah T., Abbeville, S.C.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Yashaswi: What’s the witch’s best subject?
Amy: I haven’t the foggiest.
Yashaswi: Spelling!
Joke submitted by Yashaswi S., Fredericksburg, Va.


Bill: Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
McKenzie: Why?
Bill: It didn’t have a haunting license.
Joke submitted by Howard H., Newark, Calif.


halloween-1

Comic by Daryll Collins


Sarah: What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
Brian: Tell me.
Sarah: The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
Joke submitted by Sarah O., Springfield, Mo.


Barbara: What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Cindy: I don’t know.
Barbara: Boo jeans!
Joke submitted by Barbara M., Simpsonville, S.C.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Christopher: What did Superman say to Batman when he invited him to the graveyard on Halloween night?
Daniel: I don’t know.
Christopher: “Sorry, I can’t go into the kryptonite.”
Joke submitted by Christopher S., Chesapeake, Va.


Max: What would you find on a haunted beach?
Sam: I’m stumped.
Max: A sand-witch!
Joke submitted by Maxwell C.


Comic by Scott Nickel


John: Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?
Mark: Why?
John: He didn’t have the stomach for it!
Joke submitted by John C., Houston, Texas


Aiden: Where do ghosts make their movies?
Bob: I don’t know.
Aiden: At Univer-soul Studios.
Joke submitted by Aiden W., Granite City, Ill.


comic-1

Comic by Scott Nickel


Erick: Where do ghosts like to swim?
Carl: I don’t know. Tell me.
Erick: The Dead Sea.
Joke submitted by Erick O., National City, Calif.


Sam: What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
Frank: I don’t know.
Sam: The “grim sweeper.”
Joke submitted by Sam M., Pittsburgh, Pa.


Comic by Thomastoons


Chris: What’s worse than being a five-ton witch on Halloween?
Jill: No clue. Hit me with it.
Chris: Being her broom!
Joke submitted by Christian H., Fredericksburg, Va.


Luke: What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?
Jen: I have no clue.
Luke: Broommates!
Joke submitted by Luke B., Kenosha, Wis.


halloween-2

Comic by Scott Nickel


Brenda: Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
Bianca: Where?
Brenda: At the casketeria.
Joke submitted by Brenda D., Elmira, N.Y.


Daffynition: Pocahontas — A card game that comes back to scare you.
Joke submitted by Omkar S., San Jose, Calif.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Jake: Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Philip: I don’t know.
Jake: Because they were trans-parents!
Joke submitted by Jacob C., O’Fallon, Ill.


Darius: What part of the street do vampires live on?
Chad: I don’t know.
Darius: The dead end.
Joke submitted by Darius C., Columbia, Md.


comic-2

Comic by Scott Nickel


Brandon: Which ghost is the best dancer?
Nolan: I don’t know.
Brandon: The Boogie Man!
Joke submitted by Chris S., Centennial, Colo.


Everett: What’s a ghoul’s favorite game on Halloween?
Francisco: What?
Everett: Hide-and-ghost-seek.
Joke submitted by Everett C., Tequesta, Fla.


halloween-3

Comic by Scott Nickel


Rich: Why do they put fences around graveyards?
Mitch: Tell me.
Rich: Because people are dying to get in!
Joke submitted by Richard D., Granville, Ohio


Jerry: Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
Woody: Why?
Jerry: It raises their spirits.
Joke submitted by Matthew R., Dix Hills, N.Y.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Joshua: What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Belia: What?
Joshua: Bamboo.
Joke submitted by Joshua T., Cheltenham, Pa.


Gavin: What do you call a tired skeleton on Halloween?
Connor: Beats me.
Gavin: The “grim sleeper.”
Joke submitted by Gavin H., Stoughton, Mass.


comic-3

Comic by Thomastoons


Tim: What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Tom: What?
Tim: Booberry pie.
Joke submitted by Joshua N., Napoleon, Ohio


Tom: What’s a ghost’s favorite room?
Jerry: I dunno.
Tom: The living room!
Joke submitted by Steven G., Virginia Beach, Va.


halloween-4

Comic by Jon Carter


Kirk: Why do mummies have no friends?
Mike: Why
Kirk: Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves!
Joke submitted by Kirk J., Bothell, Wash.


Tom Swiftie: “That ghost movie was horrible!” Tom booed.
Joke submitted by Zakir G., Los Angeles, Calif.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Aidan: What is a ghost’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Boo and Gold.
Aidan: What is a witch’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: I give up.
Aidan: Brew and Gold.
Aidan: What is a werewolf’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Pack meetings, of course!
Joke submitted by Aidan T., Mount Airy, Md.


Stephen: What did the ghost say when the skeleton lied to him?
David: I haven’t a clue.
Stephen: “I can see right through you.”
Joke submitted by Stephen S., Knoxville, Tenn.


halloween-5

Comic by Scott Nickel


A book never written: “Ghost Hunting” by E. Gadd.
Joke submitted by Jet S., Ooltewah, Tenn.


Jess: Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween?
Thomas: Why?
Jess:  It dampens their spirits!
Joke submitted by Jess W., Spartanburg, S.C.


halloween-6

Comic by Scott Nickel


Race: What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?
Nathan: What is it?
Race: Monster-ella!
Joke submitted by Daniel B., Tyler, Tex.


Joker: Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks for Halloween?
Harvey: I have no clue.
Joker: She heard he grew another foot!
Joke submitted by Matthew C., Gladstone, Mo.


halloween-7

Comic by Scott Nickel


Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
Joke submitted by Billy J., Hershey, Pa.


Sam: What is Dracula’s favorite circus act?
Ethan: Tell me.
Sam: He always goes for the juggler!
Joke submitted by Sam C., San Antonio, Tex.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Steve: What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter?
Paul: What?
Steve: Pumpkin-pi!
Joke submitted by Steve H., Sagamore Hills, Ohio


Dale: What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula?
Gayle: You join his fang club.
Joke submitted by Dale K., Somerset, Pa.


Comic by ThomasToons


Bill: What can you say about a horrible mummy joke?
Bob: What?
Bill: It Sphinx!
Joke submitted by Eric H., San Diego, Calif.


Chris: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Taylor: I have no idea.
Chris: A necktarine!
Joke submitted by Christopher F., Wildwood, Mo.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Gracie: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Selena: Why?
Gracie: Because they have bat breath.
Joke submitted by Gracie Y., Los Gatos, Calif.


A book never written: “Did a Vampire Bite Me?” by Chick Yerneck.
Joke submitted by Coleton M., Cary, N.C.


Comic by Scott Masear


Bruce: What is a vampire’s favorite dance?
Kevin: I don’t know. What?
Bruce: The Fang-Dango.
Joke submitted by Zac D., Danville, Calif.


Trent: Why are vampires so easy to fool?
Brent: Why?
Trent: Because they’re suckers.
Joke submitted by Trenton G., Shaftsbury, Vt.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Eddie: What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?
Red: What?
Eddie: Count Spatula.
Joke submitted by Sam M., Greensboro, N.C.


Todd: What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
Leanne: What?
Todd: The xylabone.
Joke submitted by Todd F., Indianapolis, Ind.


Ben: What do you call a kind and considerate monster?
Jonathan: What?
Ben: A complete failure.
Joke submitted by Benjamin M., Rancho Cordova, Calif.
Comic by Daryll Collins


A book never written: “All That’s Left of Me” by Myra Maines.
Joke submitted by Kieran F., Emporia, Kan.


Tim: What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Tom: What?
Tim: Lots of blood tests!
Joke submitted by Tim T., Whitehall, N.Y.


Mackenna: Where is a ghost’s favorite place to sit in a restaurant?
Grayson: I don’t know. Where?
Mackenna: A boo-th!
Joke submitted by Mackenna D., Hampstead, North Carolina


Daffynition: Retreat — To get another piece of candy on Halloween.
Joke submitted by Anthony P., Watkinsville, Ga.


Tom Swiftie: “I’m not eating too much candy,” Tom said sweetly.
Joke submitted by Kevin A., St. Louis, Mo.


Pam: What kind of phone do witches use?
Sam: What kind?
Pam: A touch-toad phone.
Joke submitted by Pam A., Wasilla, Alaska


Cresencio: What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
Chris: What?
Cresencio: Spelling.
Joke submitted by Cresencio A., Norwalk, Calif.


Henry: What do you call a wolf that notices everything?
Mike: What?
Henry: Awarewolf.
Joke submitted by Henry N., Austin, Texas


Jayden: What is a panda’s favorite Halloween food?
Cayden: What?
Jayden: Bam-BOO!
Joke submitted by Jayden V., Westerly, Rhode Island


Alex: Where do monsters get tattoos?
Liz: Where?
Alex: At Monsters Ink!
Joke submitted by Alex Y., Spring Grove, Illinois


DOWNLOAD A FREE POCKET JOKE BOOK!

Print and fold your own pocket joke book, filled with great Halloween jokes!
Download the joke book (PDF)
Folding instructions


Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send us your jokes.

Laugh at 4,000+ more funny jokes at jokes.scoutlife.org!

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